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    December 13

    昨日事今日毕

    丁宁又问起与某人之约是否已经履行,我不知该如何回答。

    恍然回首间好像已不再识得那时的自己,其实才过了多久,也不过都还是在这园子里的事。曾经心心念念的,义无反顾的。如果说等待,在今天让我咳出了血,那时则是让我做尽了梦。

    也曾辗转,夜静更深时脑中全是月下湖畔光景。心不定神不宁,随便翻开书文附会。惴惴地揣测,反反复复,千百般的丹心寸意愁君未知。

    可是不堪憔悴时,见到的却是若无其事的如故的天真。于是忽然间,摇落了一树的花叶,黯淡了一湖的星月。

    峥知道的,我的幼稚愚蠢患得患失,以及起初全部的刻意,与其后所有的坚决。

    我不接受过气的告白。昨日之日不可留,当讲时你偏不讲,今日之日乱我心者,我只能say no。意料中的怨妒不解,我甘愿承受,转过身去便是一个干干净净自自在在的好人,理会不得身后的猜度和思量。

    料得君心,系于万里前程,系于一己荣耀,势必无暇念及这小小插曲。或许会有些许遗憾,只为一路坦途上的一次否定和失败,或许因此微生忌恨,我也只能无可奈何。

    一段时间不愿启齿,因为没有什么骄傲。徒在心里潇洒,说的做的并不漂亮。狼狼狈狈敷衍,躲躲闪闪暗示,自以为便一劳永逸逃出生天。听闻那边厢尚且独自耿耿,也只能心有余力不足地愧疚。已经隔膜了多少层。

    自问从没负过谁,过分的话不承诺,八字的捺不拐弯都不会说,凡事要有始有终有交待,来之前问好,走之前招呼,不能模模糊糊不清不楚,不能在句号的圈上留出口。可是人太复杂,纠纠缠缠牵牵绊绊,宁可冒着掉妆危险戴上陌生面具,也不要简简单单地听和说。

    我早已坦荡,因自有人带我走上正途。我只求一点诚挚的回报——当然,如果没有,也无妨,月尚且有盈有昃,我何必苛求那无用的完满。

     
     
     

    Comments (2)

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    Jie Yanwrote:
    其实错过也挺好。
    Dec. 16
    浅碧窗帘wrote:
    火花稍纵即逝,最难过当是错过
     
    Dec. 15

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